The Journey
The Journey
I was always a fat kid. Yes, I used the word fat. People have been running away from the word but I'm going to use it here because it's the honest truth. I ate terribly even though I was somewhat active with sports. But let's face it, no matter what physical activity you're doing eating a bag a chips every night is not good for your health or your waistline.
As I grew older my stomach grew larger. I continued down the path of being extremly unhealthy. Eating larger meals. Eating out sometimes twice in one day. Becoming more inactive. Just not a good place.
I have struggled with anxiety and depression for most of my life and my lifestyle choices did not help. I was going through a ton of emotional problems and choosing to try and comfort myself which KFC. It wasn't working.
I reached my lowest point when I was 255 pounds. I stepped on the scale one morning, just for shits and giggles and broke down in tears. I lost my grandfather, my father to me, when I was an early teen to Type II diabetes from a heart attack. He was a large man who did not take care of his health. He had multiple surgeries and just all around an unhealthy individual. I don't remember the exact age that he was when he died but I can assure you he was not that old. Thinking about him that day I realized I had to make a drastic change or else I would end up with the same fate. That was something I refused to endure.
My first step was to write everything down. I'm a visual person so I had to see what was going into my body. I started learning about the food I ate. Calories, protein, carbs and fats. What all the different vitamins and minerals do in the body. Their purpose. My purpose. I was diligant in what I ate and made sure that they were, for the most part, whole foods. Grains, fruits and veggies and lean proteins. I also started being more physically active. Using the term "working out" has always kinda bothered me. It implys that you go to the gym, make loud grunting noises, and run on machines. Now, keep in mind that's how some people like to stay in shape but that wasn't for me. It took me a long time to find something that I was passionate about (to me passion is everything). And then I discovered Yoga and Pilates. The combination of these two things is what made me stick to becoming healthy. I would do those two activities every day; even if it was for 20 minutes some days. I started playing tennis and going for hikes which I also love. And slowly change started to happen.
It took years to get myself to where I am now. I am down to 163 pounds and comfortable with that. I still remember the day that the scale fell to under 200 pounds. I cried. I know now that in the end it's not the scale that matters, it's how you feel inside and out. If you feel strong, you will be strong! I'm not saying that this health journey was easy. It took a lot of time and a lot of patience. It was a huge learning curve to discover cooking and now I love it! I hardly ever eat at a restaurant anymore and I don't miss it at all. But...the jouney never ends...
Within the past year I had started to feel pain in my back and hips. Me being the stubborn person that I am I thought it was just pulled muscles so I kept on pushing myself. Every day it seemed to get worse until it got to a point where I wasn't able to walk anymore. I knew there was something wrong. It was very frustrating. All the time and energy that went into losing weight and becoming healthy was going down the drain. I went to the doctor and I am now in the process of being treated for Ankylosing Spondilitis. It is not curable. When hearing this news I broke. I felt as though everything that I loved to do: my pilates, yoga, tennis, hiking - was gone and never to be back in my life. But this is not true. Yes, once again I will have to make some changes and not be as involved but that doesn't mean I will never be able to do these things again. It will just be for shorter periods of time and not as intensly. But I can still do them!
Health is all about the journey. It never ends. And that's ok. I think so many people go into being healthy as trying to lose weight, becoming a certain number, wearing a certain pant size. Then they reach that goal and then what? It's almost self sabbotage. You go back to old habits in order to reach old goals. If there's one message I want to send out through SEEDS it's this. Embrace the jouney. Learn to love the activities that you do for the activities that they are; for the way they make you feel. Embrace the knowledge that you gain from learning about calories and nutrition. Don't look at things like good or bad just let them be what they are and that's when the change truly happens. Never take for granted the small things in life like walking and breathing. That, my friends, is what true health is all about.
Amanda Perry
